My prefrontal cortex developing is the epitome of agony

I am 6 months away from turning 25 and I can just feel myself becoming aware. I am realising how far I am from being healed than I first thought. How much I crave human affection and connection, despite my avoidant nature. How critical I am of myself despite my confidence. The extent of how others projections and beliefs drive my self perception. How I am running out of time yet never having enough of it. How I haven’t found my purpose yet have achieved every single goal i’ve set for myself since 13. Life should be good, so why is it not? what am I missing ? How do I get it ?

Ignorance is bliss.

That idiom has been vindicated. Why am I so aware of everything. Why am I forced to be the best version of myself to be happy? why can’t i just exist?

Anyways, 25 sucks.